I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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