I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sarcasm needs its own font
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My penis needs a shock collar
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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