Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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