You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
