I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
