I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
