I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
