Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
