I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
