Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
