I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
