How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
