Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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