I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
