I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
