Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
