I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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