Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
