Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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