I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have post one night stand depression
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
