I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
