Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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