he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
