Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
