honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
