really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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