I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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