a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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