Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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