i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
