Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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