I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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