How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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