For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
