well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
