I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
