can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
