The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
your thong is hanging out like whoa
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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