I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
a search helicopter?!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
