I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
nutella sex= disaster
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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