Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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