Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
