found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
