I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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