Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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