last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
