I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
