I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
