that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
