dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
