no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
