dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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