Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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