I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
