Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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