I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
