anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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