your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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