...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
