So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
