I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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