Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
