So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
