i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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