Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
