I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize