i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
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To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
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I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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