I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
