i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
