drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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