when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
