I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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