I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize