I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
