Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
