Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
