Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
