Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
